Thursday, August 26, 2010

Nurse Talk

Today was our financial meeting and nurse talk. We first met with the financial counselor-to be sure we don't have any "questions." Right....she just wanted my fat check! Shortly after one of our nurses Lisa came in to talk with us. She was wonderful! We signed all of our consent forms....which was about as many as you sign when you buy a home. We also discussed our medication protocol. We are officially ready to go!
I am so excited to start this new chapter in our lives...but its also so scary. I have dreamed of being a mother since my parents gave me my first Cabbage Patch doll. I loved it, cared for it and nurtured it...I could not wait to do that for my own baby some day. As I've gotten older having a family just always seemed so matter of fact, that it would be easy for us. No one ever thinks this is going to happen to them...After a while it really starts to effect you. It effects your womanhood-something that seems so easy as becoming pregnant and carrying a baby I can't even do. One thing that I have always felt like I was supposed to be good at-turns out I really suck at. It really effects your relationship as well. What is meant to be an intimate part of your marriage is now public knowledge. Your doctors begin telling you when to be intimate with your spouse-so what was being done out of love for each other now becomes a chore and planned each cycle. Its not just the two of you-but your doctor, your friends and parents..all with "helpful" advice. Like I said-its so scary what we are about to do.....with the money we spent-I could have bought a modest car, got a killer breast augmentation (or 2), or put a decent size down payment on a new home. All of those things have guaranteed outcomes....this doesn't...only about 50% chance of success. That intimidating-all this money for just a chance, a glimmer of hope. It's a scary thing-one thing I have really had to think about is that I may never have a baby-it may be part of God's plan for us to not have a family (**insert knife in heart**).

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